A Road Map of Emotions, Driving Home, One Mile at a Time

Good morning! (September 26)

When my heart experiences a mix of emotions, I remind myself that this is the point — to feel.

In the past, being numb was my way of protection, I now refuse to let myself be wrapped in stillness.

Leaving the Badlands marks the end of another stretch of life on the open road. I am speechless when I try to express what this nomadic life means to me and has been for me. How it feels to be so authentic to and with myself while immersing in the freedom of the open road.

How can I describe the way I completely belong to myself when I am part of nature, and how my whole purpose in this lifetime feels to be nature.

Starting my four-day drive “home” stirs many emotions pulling me in different directions. I long to hug my chosen family — my dear friends who, over many years, have shown me what I was missing as a child: the feeling of simply belonging.

I have about 1,800 miles to cover...

Tonight is the only night I know where I will park; the rest, I will find as the evening comes closer.

The Road Trip Her Facebook group map is always a great resource for me to find safe parking. A few weeks ago, I reached out to Diane and Gemma after finalizing my route and planning where I might be each night.

It will be my first time driving more than eight hours a day for four days — a challenge for sure.

After exchanging emails with Diane and Gemma, I am looking forward to meeting them. My landscape movie today is framed by farmlands. I love the simplicity and the back-to-basics feeling that farms give me.

It’s a pleasure spending the evening with Diane and Gemma. They are slowly planning their own life on the road, and I am happy to share my experience and answer their questions.

Thank you, Diane and Gemma, for your generosity and hospitality. Your shower was such a wonderful treat. :)

Good morning — three more days...

By 6:00, I am on the road. It still feels like night, but knowing the sun is on her way to guide me, I relax into my drive.

My only stops are to stretch and visit the bathroom. I spend my time between catching up on phone calls, listening to music, and enriching my soul with the teachings of Pema Chödrön.

I am grateful for her wisdom and open heart. On Hoopla (a free app through your local library), I listen to Unconditional Confidence: Instructions for Meeting Any Experience with Trust and Courage.

https://www.hoopladigital.com/audiobook/unconditional-confidence-pema-chodron/13093807

After twelve hours of driving, I find myself stuck in Chicago traffic. I had hoped to pass the city by now. By midday, I called my friend Margret. I don’t have her exact address, but I know she’s somewhere along my route. When I plug it into Google Maps, I realize there’s only a small chance of reaching her tonight.

I need to stop and think...

I get a sweet text from Margret checking on me. I tell her where I am, and soon she sends her sister’s address in Chicago, however, it means driving another hour and a half in the opposite direction.

I am so exhausted that thinking feels impossible. I try my luck and call Susan.

I know she’s not back in Chicago yet. The last two times I visited, I stayed at her sister’s house. I know Boots’s address and that it’s a safe neighborhood to park for the night. Luckily, Susan answers right away.

She immediately hears my deflated soul. With firmness wrapped in love and kindness, Susan puts sense into me. I still think I can drive past Chicago — “No,” she tells me gently, “not a good idea.” With traffic, I have another hour to reach Boots’s house. I don’t think I realized how huge Chicago is.

Boots is away for the weekend, but that’s fine. I just want to stop and sleep. Parking on her street sounds perfect.

Good morning — two more days...

I take Susan’s advice and hit the road by 5:30 a.m. to avoid Chicago traffic.

My body screams at me. My back aches, and I need a break. I take a small detour to the beautiful Indiana Dunes National Park. A short walk on the beach will soothe my soul and aching body. It’s also a good place to refresh and wash up.

The sound of the crashing waves is gentle and calming. The foggy morning hides the silhouette of Chicago resting on the horizon. I have to remind myself that what I am seeing is a lake, not the ocean. Lake Michigan is enormous!

The slow ripples shaping the sand create a miniature mountain landscape, reminding me of my beloved Colorado.

Today’s landscape movie: cornfields. Corn, corn, and — hold on — more corn! :):)

Another long day of driving. After ten hours, I am ready to find “home.” The need for a shower leads me to a campground for the night.

Last night on the road, which means my last chance for a cooked meal in nature for a while...

Good morning — last day on the road...

5:30 a.m., another early start. I hope to arrive in Mahwah, NJ, by early evening.

Welcome to Pennsylvania — one more state to cross.

Home sweet home!

I must admit, today the open road feels like my home. Yet it’s hard not to associate Mahwah with that word. It’s the town where I lived most of my life, where I raised both of my boys, and where I pushed myself beyond my comfort zone as a volunteer ambulance driver — discovering I could do more than I ever believed.

There’s a beautiful feeling of nostalgia when you return to a place and everything feels the same, like you never left. A peaceful feeling and a deep sense of belonging.

I am so excited to be here and spend time with my dearest ones!