Is life always present to us on a plate of mixed emotions? How can I be so excited and thrilled about my next adventure, but deeply sad about saying goodbye?
It is the third time around that it is time to say goodbye to my chosen family. I should be used to it by now, however, this time, I am profoundly sad and not ready to hug goodbye. I know the direct link to this emotion. No, I haven't sold my apartment yet. It turns out that selling a co-op is not an easy task; even in a strong market. I know it will sell sooner or later. I know that the next time I return home, there will not be a physical place that belongs to me. It feels like the cord of a newborn is detaching.
Today, when someone asks me where I am from, my playful answer is, "From nowhere and everywhere." Even though for the last seven years I've resided in Suffern, NY, home for me will always be Mahwah, NJ. That’s where I lived for over twenty years and where my boys were raised. (Funny enough, I only moved a mile and a half and ended up in NY, which I am grateful for on so many levels.) However, the feeling that today I belong nowhere and everywhere feels fitting to my being.
With FaceTime, it is impossible to feel detached from my loved ones. But not being able to embrace them with a hug feels like a kick to my gut.
I always love to entertain. I always love the sounds of laughter and joy in my place of living. Having the last gatherings in my apartment feels fantastic and beautiful—a happy way to say goodbye until next time.
So, what is my next exciting adventure?
I accepted a position at Winter Park Resort in Colorado!
My position is Lost and Found Attendant. I don't know about you, but if you know my story, you would agree that if I need to put my life story in two words, it would be "lost and found!" :)
Winter Park Resort offers subsidized housing with fair pay. I will have the privilege to ski for free and be surrounded by mountains. I am truly excited to embrace this new experience of being a seasonal worker, meeting new people, and contributing my share to the success of Winter Park Resort.
I am taking a week and a half to get to Winter Park. This time, travel will be about the people I will visit along the way.
The last two years have undoubtedly brought beautiful souls into my life. Spending time with Susan in person is a miracle, as we are both constantly on the move. I will stop for a night and catch up. We keep in touch with phone calls, but there is nothing like seeing her sweet smile in person. Susan brings such peaceful energy that I have always loved being in her presence.
I will stop to visit Alice for two nights. What started with an email flourished into a deep friendship I hold close to my heart. I wish I had more time to linger and share our love for art and travel.
If possible, and I can manage my time efficiently, I would love to stop and say hi to Julie again. Facebook has given me great friendships, and Julie is surely one of them.
Five days after accepting the offer to join Winter Park Resort, an email for an interview came from one of the positions for which I applied. This one was one of the "Yes! This is perfect for me!!!" applications. I accepted the invitation for an interview to start a direct connection for future opportunities. I already committed to Winter Park Resort, and even though a dream position came along, I can't go against my integrity and back out of my end of the bargain.
I will stop at the YMCA of the Rockies – Estes Park Center to tour the resort and continue a face-to-face interview for future opportunities as an art and craft instructor.
And, of course, I can't wait to stop in Boulder to hug Ron (my youngest son) and spend the weekend with him.
There are times when anxiety takes over my excitement and leaves me exhausted. By now, I am so in tune with my emotions that I can immediately recognize where I stand. The rise of my heartbeat and the difficulty breathing can, at times, be quite paralyzing. In those moments, I find the best relief is relistening to chapters 2 and 3 of When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön. I need the encouragement and reminders that a spiritual journey requires the courage to stay still and move forward, despite the fear that grips my body and soul.
Throughout the last two years, Pema Chödrön's wisdom has helped me make many shifts in my approach to life and ease emotional pain as it arises. Her teachings offer a gentle hand to hold through the storms of life. Her wisdom opens a doorway to seeing the world with more compassion and courage, guiding me toward a place of healing and inner peace. I am deeply grateful for her presence in this world.
As I am about to finish this post, Adi (my oldest son) surprises me with a quick visit, joining my "pit crew" (my chosen family) for what is becoming an annual get-together and a final hug until next time...
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