The Adirondacks, NY Part Five

I am truly in awe of the wonder and beauty of the Adirondacks. Simply driving through is a magical experience.

Before I can find my spot for tonight at Black Point Beach at Lake George, I am in search of a place to take a shower. In the past, taking a shower didn’t involve so much energy. I just opened the door to my bathroom and enjoyed the luxury I had taken for granted. Today, it feels like a full-time job with great appreciation. It is super helpful that some gas stations do offer showers. So far, they have all exceeded my expectations.

Black Point Beach is small and intimate. Due to the weather, I have it all to myself. I get a break from the rain, so I take my time cooking dinner. I swear food tastes so much better when you are camping.

It’s a beautiful, quiet night here at Lake George. I keep my back door open. The fresh air and the sound of the night are a delight! I don’t want to close the door, but it’s probably the safest thing to do before I fall asleep.

This morning, I am heading to Vermont to spend time with good friends on Lake Bomoseen. However, it feels like a crime to leave Lake George without a local hike.

I put my trust in the weather app and take my chances that the expected rain will hold off until I return to my car. I chose a two-mile hike up Record Hill. It’s an uphill hike but nothing too strenuous. I reach the top and am rewarded with a beautiful view sneaking between the gray clouds. Unfortunately, I can’t stay too long. The raindrops quickly cover the rocky path, making for a challenging, slippery descent.

After so many years of not needing to apply for a job, I am reminded of how time-consuming and emotionally draining it can be. I have four interviews set for this week, which is great. However, I still need to keep sending my resume to the universe, hoping to land a happy position.

I am looking forward to this coming week. Spending time with friends is a simple blessing I cherish deeply. I am grateful for Sue and John’s invitation to join them at their lake house in Vermont.

It’s a joyful, full house as Lauren, Andy, Jim, Wendy, and Mike are also here. Bill and Pepe are stopping for a visit; it is great seeing them again. Jenni, John’s sister, and her husband Neal are a short boat ride away. It’s a fun and tasty evening at their house, especially as I see a familiar face, her friend Christine. Funny, what a small world.

Keep breathing, I tell myself. My open heart is thrown into the arena again. I read the email a few times, and I am not sure I understand it entirely, but it’s more likely I don’t want to acknowledge the Co-Op’s decision. To my surprise, the buyer’s strong application was denied.

I have a new word that I am using now every time I face a tough challenge that threatens to close my heart: “Squeeze.” I borrow it from Pema Chödrön, who explains how it’s an opportunity for growth when life squeezes us.

I split myself into two and created a deep conversation with myself. “Ok, Gila, here’s another squeeze. What will you do, and how will you rise above it?”

Somehow, the notion that I can benefit from this experience and expand my wisdom softens the sharp corners. But it’s a constant self-talk to try and keep things in perspective. It’s super comforting to have the support and encouragement of my dear friends, but it’s still a lonely place to be when I am the one who needs to make crucial decisions about my next steps.

I work hard to stay in the moment and enjoy what is beautiful right now in my life—good friends, a stunning lake view with hugging mountains, incredible sunsets, and good food. We hike, bike, paddleboard/kayak, and play golf at night with illuminated golf balls; that is for sure a first for me.

We enjoy boating on Lake Bomoseen, and I am super excited when John trusts me to drive his boat and lets me speed up. My big smile is evidence of a fun time! I even dare to try water skiing (with no success), which painfully leaves me with sore muscles. 

I had another night with a panic attack. I assume that’s what it is when your heart races so fast in the middle of the night. It’s racing so fast that I feel if I plugged my heart into an outlet, I could light the Empire State Building for a few days, switching between colors.

It takes me a while to remind myself that fear is just energy moving through my body. Right now, at this moment, my fear of the unknown future is not productive. Finally, I take a desperate deep breath that helps me calm my tense body.

I remind myself of what I know for sure: If I fold down my dream of a simple life, if I let fear keep me away from the chance of a little cabin in the middle of the woods with a loving community, I will regret it.

I know with a clear mind that I am letting go of a solid safety net for a simple chance to bring to life a vision in my heart. I am aware there is no guarantee I will find my way to my dream of simplicity. However, sitting at home dreaming of it certainly will not get me there.

I may be a naive dream chaser, or it may be my curiosity to experience and discover what the universe has for me if I let go of certainty and fully immerse myself in a spiritual journey. Either way, sitting at home on my comfy couch will only guarantee living a life that is not for me.

It is our last morning on the lake. I got up early since I could not fall back asleep after another episode of a panic attack. The day is about to break into a new beginning. The peaceful silence is a gift I hold close to my soul. The lake is flat like a mirror until gentle ripples add another dimension to a picture-perfect landscape.

The low clouds hug the tops of the trees and the mountains, creating a blanket above them—a majestic film before lifting and dissipating into thin air, welcoming a new day.

Even with the chaos in my heart, this week will be a memorable time in my life journey. Thank you, Sue and John, for your friendship and generous hospitality.

So what’s next? I am giving the buyer a chance to reverse the board’s decision, as their reasoning seems incorrect. If it doesn’t go through, I will move back into my apartment in October after the lease with my tenant is over and put my apartment on the market.

In the meantime, I plan to keep living with an open heart and embracing life’s squeezes to the best of my ability.